| “Do you have a computer free?” |
“Actually, we have about 27 computers free.” |
“Sure, help yourself.” |
| “Can I have a screen, please?” |
“Sure. Would you like a mouse and a keyboard too?” |
“Sure, help yourself.” |
| “Can we have two terminals, please?” |
“No, we only have fully-fledged computers. More fool us, eh.” |
“Sure, help yourself.” |
| “Can we have two Internets, please?” |
“There Can Be Only One Internet.” |
“Sure, help yourself.” |
| “Can I just jump on a computer?” |
“Actually, we’d prefer if you sat on the chairs provided.” |
“Sure, help yourself.” |
“Can I check my Hotmail?” |
“You poor, unfortunate creature. Why aren’t you using Yahoo Mail instead?” |
“Sure, help yourself.” |
| “Can I go on the Web, as well as checking my e-mail?” |
“Actually, you’re doing your e-mail on the Web already.” |
“Sure, help yourself.” |
| “Do you have any scrap paper?” |
“Yes, it’s in that tray labelled ‘Scrap paper — please help yourself’.” |
“Sure, help yourself.” |
| “Do I just … [neverending pause]” |
“Do you just what?” |
“Yes.” |
| “I turned off the computer when I finished.” |
“What the smeg did you smegging do that for?” |
“Okay.” |
| “What time do you close?” |
“We close after I’ve worked twelve hours straight and lost all feeling in my legs.” |
“We close at eight o’clock.” |